I do already exist by being a human- being on planet earth. I intend to missunderstand Shakespeare, Martin Heidgger and others intentionally.
To be or not be is not only a ridiculous question but it is not even a real quesion. To have or not to have is not a destiny either.
I have some reasons for raising this question here and now but I shall focus on my existential dilemmas based on my experience in the last few weeks.
My son is visiting Eritrea with his mother right now for the first time since a couple of weeks ago.
I have not been able to be there because of personal reasons even if I am on vacation here in Sweden currently.
I have had plenty of thinking to do as I have been on my own for the first time in almost 11 years. I miss my son a lot as most of my life evolves around him.
I therefore decided to travel to Denmark and Germany the other day after a couple of weeks only in Skåneland, in southern Sweden.
I got a bit edgy as the vacation does not feel right if you are at home for the whole period.
A luxury problem which I am grateful for having. There is no any privilegie otherwise in being a part and parcel of the Babylonian evil system.
I thought of travelling to different countries around here and I eventually decided to have a roadtrip and to drive to Denmark and Germany over several bridges and tunnels on monday the 5th of august after using a dice to decide like the fiction book "the dice man".
I do have phobia for bridges and tunnels that create claustrophobic feelings and tensions.
After being given a parking ticket fine on arrival day and a sleepless night in a bunk bed/sleeping Wooden box like a coffin in Odense, Denmark on monday.
I was also stopped by two armed policemen on my way to find another parking lot after the ticket fine on the same day.
I was told by the policemen that I was driving in a "green area" which does not allow cars like mine.
I should have been fined thousands of crowns but the policemen were kind enough to understand that I have had a tough day and let me be "forgiven" for this time around.
It was a big relief of course.
The next day, I ended up checking-in at a very expensive hotel in Flensburg in Germany. I had no other option, unfortunately.
The friends that I was trying to get in touch with both in Denmark and Germany were not reachable.
I decided therefore to drive back to Sweden the next day after a failed attempt to stay on the roadtrip.
I am back at home in Lund today, wednesday, the 7th of august. Just after a couple of days on the roadtrip.
Too much debacle in a short time was the last straw that broke "MY" camel's back. I did not want to continue travelling through Denmark and Germany without any entusiasm and the right mindset.
I met a very young person from France in the hostel and had a nice conversation on the roadtrip.
The younger generation gives me hope for the future. A drama student from Nantes who is much more matured than her actual age.
So, the question is not to be or not to be but to confront your fears and reflect upon the choices you do make in life on a free will bases or without it.
We are all actors on the planet and most of us bad ones even if we have some good ones too.
Moving around and travelling to new places, gives you new perspective on life and your self.
This is not a news as such but worth emphasizing the vulnerability and unpridictabilty of our destinies in the Journey of life.
Luna said in french before saying good bye to me in Flensburg:
"C'est Le pompon sur la Garonne".